It’s 9:25am on a Tuesday morning, my planning period at school. I know that I should be using it for school-related tasks, but I feel too distracted and detached from work to focus for right now. I need a bit of an outlet, an opportunity to vent and rave and rant and feel “free,” even if it’s just for a few precious minutes before I go nuts (I may or may not have woken up on the wrong side of the bed this morning. Who am I to say?).
As I’ve mentioned before, I really do like my job, but there are times when I wish I could just be home with my son and my husband. The weekends just don’t seem like enough, especially when I spend a considerable amount of time on Saturday and Sunday and my time “off the clock” planning, grading papers, answering work-related emails, and so on. I miss Seba and Fede. And at times like these, which are occurring more and more frequently, I feel rather unhappy.
It’s been challenging finding the balance. I feel perpetual guilt when I come home completely drained and too tired to offer much to my family. I feel frustrated that I have been neglecting myself and the non-working, personal side of Violet.
Someone asked me once what I “get” out of constantly being stuck in work mode. In all honesty, I know that there are very few benefits. Yet I still feel the compulsion to try to get stuff out of the way, to catch up, to get ahead, or simply to keep my head above water, etc. There is always SOMETHING to be done. It feels like I’m on an eternal treadmill until I retire in about 25 years. Not a nice attitude, not a pleasant outlook.
I want to be happier, I want to find some sort of healthy equilibrium. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy, and makes Violet neurotic and miserable.
Enough! This is my idea… When I have the chance, I intend to update my blog. I want to start a sort of “Happiness Project” of my own (inspired by the book by Gretchen Rubin). My intention is to have long and short term goals complimented with a reasonable game plan to obtain some simple but important specific and attainable objectives toward being a happier, more well-balanced person.
I just reread that sentence (Yikes. I assure you all I really am an English teacher!). What I want to say, simply put, is that I want to be a happier, calmer person, so I am going to start working toward that by setting up a few goals and trying to achieve them. After all, I have nothing to lose.
Moreover, I plan on keeping myself accountable by including details and updates. Stay tuned, Folks!
My planning period is about to end, so I’ll have to stop here. Back to the grindstone… *Sigh*