I am a firm believer that if you love and care about someone, it is imperative that you let them know in some way. Gratitude is everything. Hence, I am writing…
It’s a little after 4:30am as I start to type this particular entry. At this time of day, it is indistinguishable from night outside – pitch black, cold, and the kind of dreary weather outside that would make you want to hibernate for the next several days. Yet I woke up today, long before the sun rises, feeling gratefully calm. For the first time in a long while, my painful anxiety has (at least temporarily) subsided, and is replaced instead by feelings of tranquility and gratitude.
The cause of this is not some miraculous wonder drug, nor some brilliant epiphany that has occurred to me in the last 48 hours. Rather, it is because I woke up next to the love of my life, who was still asleep next to me, gently snoring and oblivious to my watching him with a slight smile spread across my face (how creepy am I? :))
To say that Fede has always been my rock is an understatement. He does and he is so much more to me. In these past few days, weeks, endless months in which I have experienced some very extreme ups and (mostly) downs due to my depression and my anxiety, he has been incredibly patient and compassionate. When I burst into tears, he doesn’t tell me, “There, there… Don’t cry,” but rather, “It’s okay, cry. Let it out, I am here for you.” He hugs me when I need to be held, he passes me tissues when the tears seem like they will never stop. And then he hugs me again when I have recovered from weeping in his usual, reassuring, protective embrace.
In my moments of personal adversity, Fede has truly stepped up. He takes excellent care of Seba during the day and of me when I come home. Upon returning home from the crazy, outside world, he greets me with an embrace and a kiss like we have been separated for far too long. He asks me if there is anything that he can do for me, how I am feeling, and (get this!) he actually listens! In the event that I need to crash and recover sleep and strength from a particularly trying day, he gives me a kiss and even “tucks me in” so that I can recuperate my bearings and wake up in a better and more capable mood.
Seriously – How lucky am I?!?
There are few words that could really do our relationship and our marriage justice. I personally know of so many cases of people who endure unhappy or unhealthy relationships for different reasons, or sometimes even relationships that are lukewarm and mediocre at best. On the other hand, I haven’t had many personal relationship role models. I know of very few marriages in which the couple truly are equal partners who love, respect, and support each other through absolutely everything. In my case, Fede is much more than just my legal husband on our libreta de matrimonio. He really, truly is my best friend and life partner and every other cliche that you can imagine.
There are many instances when I simply cannot believe how fortunate I am to have truly found my better half, someone who made all the trials and mistakes that I made in my life worth it, because absolutely everything that I went through ultimately led me to him. It gives me strength and incentive to keep going at times when I feel that I simply can’t. I will never tire of letting Fede know how much I appreciate him and how much he means to me.
Thank you, my husband, for everything. You will never know how much you mean to me. Thank you for being YOU. <3