April 19, 2013
Uncertain, unsure, incredulous, and lost,
Night had never been so damningly black,
I had sinned and confessed, but despite all the rest,
I knew there was no going back.
Pushed and forced by a million hands, pulled, and provoked,
I remained forever judged by the clock
As it ticked away my fate, and with each deafening chime,
One by one I found all the doors closed and locked.
Lament the circumstance I did, indeed
As I grappled and fought with my demons of fear.
Until the very day that I held you and finally saw,
That it was all so achingly clear.
Life itself is an odd, odd thing,
The paradox, the enigma, the madness.
Just as a flower grows from only the ground,
The rain comes, but brings life without sadness,
All the pain I felt before is washed away forever
Until only hope and goodness remain.
Who gave life to whom, I’ll never be quite sure-
A mystery only pure love could ever explain.
I want to teach you so many things,
Some that I do not even know,
But we can surely learn together, side by side, hand in hand.
It’s with you, my dear, I will continue to grow.
All I want is to love you and show you each day
You bring me such immeasurable joy.
I thank you for choosing me, my precious Sebastian.
My darling, beloved baby boy.